Into the Hollows

Walking up the hall with my ego,
thinking thoughts of Zen.
I smile and look in the windows,
watching myself again.
At every instant,
in every single passing
mocked by ego and Zen.
With every step,
I plunge into ditches--
The hollows of self-destroying men.

march 22nd 1995 18 years old

Oxford Moron

The soot disguising the gold
The wanderer
kicked it as he would a rock.

Unaware, so high in air
Ignorant of the wealth
he so sought.

february 24th 1995 18 years old

One Fine Day

And I will have to feel it
Everything that does occur
For blessed and yet cursed am I
in spirit
Words make me soft
Thoughts weaken my spine
And coats everything
with gruesome rhymes
One fine day
Where is it?
When is it?
That one mine day
I will be heard by thee to say
"Through days and nights
I was drown in sentiments,
the sentiment of poetry--
But I did savor the taste
the sensation of beauty."

march 16th 1992 15 years old

Nip and Tuck

We all speak the same language
We are all one of us
She does not speak our language
How can she be one of us?

She's derived from the same country
But is unaware of the word
She sits, listening to our talks
But does not understand her herd.

She believes in the same creed
She's bred from the same breed
Perhaps she just has ill luck
Someone must surely fix her
Give her a nip, give her a tuck.

july 19th 1992 15 years old

Half a Life

Here, in this life, I took pleasure
only when others took pleasure in me.
I never dwelt in the Commandments of God,
not did I fully stray from These.
I did not fulfill my every duty unto the Lord--
attempting, only missing miserably.
I never held confidence that He
held confidence in me.
I strove not like some others,
nor did I lag behind.
Yet I never took pleasure in that worship,
which always seemed incomplete.

february 22nd 1995 18 years old

Myself

And I do not care to depress you, myself,
which is so near.
And I do not care to forget you, myself,
which I muddle with fear.
And I never wish
to thrust you again
into self-pity's arms.
And I dislike
attempting to impress you
with all of these self-justifying charms.
I do not wish to spoil you, myself,
with honey-dew sentiments.
I only wish to console you
and settle you with Providence.

august 9th 1993 16 years old

Love

I'd like to wear a cotton dress of flowers.
Walk hand in hand quietly down
a brick or dusty path.
Smile at knowledge gained
because I am happy.
To imagine it
is all I really can.

january 1st 1992 15 years old

Nothing

Existing as a shadow
I have perfected.
From the fine waistline
to the brilliant necklace.
In their carnal stares
I have invested.
For I own nothing,
and I am nothing
but a pretty face.

march 25th 1995 18 years old